Man Laws

[the_MAC]

funny stuff...



Man Laws





The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

10: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

16: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

18: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

19: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

20: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "Roll over, You're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd

[rachael_bacz]

And here are a few precautions for the girls! :hammer:


1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like .....Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like .....Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are l ike .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Disclaimer not all "Men" are like this

[Kat_Mac]

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

I TOLD YOU SO! (You=you know who you are.)

[Kat_Mac]

Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say

8. Here honey, you use the remote.
7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
3. Aww, forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Melrose Place.
2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1. We never talk anymore.

[DK]

Women.......

Look here.........

http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/1675/evil.html#story1 :reddot: :reddot: :reddot: :reddot: :reddot: :reddot: :reddot: :reddot:

[DK]

The room is for "Man Laws" ........

Unless you want us all to start up the He Man Woman Hater's Club Again.....?




http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=He+Man+Woman+Haters+Club

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=454

http://www.emerchandise.com/product/TSLRS0007/s.vBDEbYwT

http://www.manlaws.com/

[Mike]

Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say

8. Here honey, you use the remote.
7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas and Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
3. Aww, forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Melrose Place.
2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1. We never talk anymore.

Uh huh... riiiight...

[rachael_bacz]

Mac.. look what you started! :fencing:

[DK]

Yes,

Well would be nice to see women dress like women again......

Saw one tonight in a dress......

Needless to say she did not look like a Chaz !!!!!!!!

DK new man law .......

Read my previous post for Moto GP viewing party.....

I think this picture says it all.......

Any time I see these butt crack jeans it reminds me of this pic !!!!!!!

[Kat_Mac]

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45 give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget :
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

[burns]

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food






You forgot bring beer.

[Kat_Mac]

I said happy not ecstatic.

[Mike]

Tsk tsk:

47. Be honest, but prudent with your honesty, i.e. "No, honey, those jeans don't make you look fat"

Ok so we be honest. no honey the jeans dont make your ass look fat....your ass does. lol

[DK]

Man Law .......(DK rule of thumb)

For all corner Junkie pilots ....... (Male)

Listen up......

If you are under 160 lb's .......
(if over 160lb's than you may add one inch to this measurement)

There is a rule of thumb..............

To apply this theory please read carefully........

Ball/squeeze your hand into a fist.........

Extend your thumb out as wide as possible....... (like a thumbs up sign)

Now extend your pinky out as far as possible while maintaining your thumb out at the same time.......

Measure the distance between your thumb and pinky.......
(this will look like the symbol for "Hang loose")

If you have a female present that wishes to take a ride on your sport bike and her ass cheeks when clenched do not fit inside the width of your pinky to thumb then she probably has no business being a passenger on the back of your sport bike...... For many reasons........



Japanese engineers never intended something that big to be riding pillion...
(your passenger seat is only 6-8 inches wide in most cases)

You have now rendered your sport bike into a mediocre compromise with all the excess load...... The machine will handle like a chopper with the rear end squatted and running wide on the corners apex........

It would most likely lead to your days ride ending early because of this lethargic creatures comfort needs are not being met......

If you become active in this relationship you may ultimately end up dining at Shoney's or waffle house with all of your new found friends in the Gold Wing Rider's Club or Harley Owners Group........

The machine you ride is titled by the state and insurance companies under the term "Sport" for good reason.......

Keep this in mind before taking the "Big Un" aka "grenade" for the team next time out with your buddies.......

In the event she makes the decision for you, it's hard to see through YOUR visor when YOUR skirt has blown over YOUR visor!!!!!!!
(or you have no business being on a motorcycle at this time until the beer goggles wear off)

Man law dictates being a man, it's not too hard to turn these women down.....

It's for the safety of all riders involved.......
(trust me)
(she may not thank you for not letting her ride, but she's fat and being fat has little to do with sport)

(can you imagine the whining you'll hear in the aftermath that follows an accident from something that big with no muscle to protect itself when tumbling down the road as it is your fault as the operator that led to her injury)

So gentleman apply the "Man Law" when gathering with like minded sport bike enthusiasts this summer, it's for the safety of the heard......

Ladies, start your hate mail, work out regiment or buy your own bike .......


"Man Law!"

[Chris]

bro i think your supposed to add both hands together otherwise you got a 7 year old on the back

[Mike]

bro i think your supposed to add both hands together otherwise you got a 7 year old on the back

:lol:

Yeah, that's about what I told DK earlier today.

[DK]

I said Ass cheeks when clenched !!!!!

Squeeze the thing together .....

The measure, not the size of the waist guys.......

7 year olds belong in the MOPEDAFILES..........

One example for you......

[DK]

Just a few more so you get the idea......

[JMan]

Response suggestions for the brutually (brave) honest man.

Woman: "Do I look fat in this?"

Man: "You look fat naked!! Those clothes are only expanding your figure!!"

Lord, rest his soul!! :twocents:

[the_MAC]

damn...i didn't think this thread would start a war!! (but it IS quite funny, though...)

[Chris]

not sure i'm following....gonna have to give more examples...

[Kat_Mac]

Top Ten Male Professions and Why

1. Doctor. Because he says, "Take off your clothes."

2. Dentist. Because he says, "Open Wide."

3. Hairdresser. Because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown."

4. Milkman. Because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"

5. Interior Decorator. Because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."

6. Banker. Because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest."

7. Police Officer. Because he says, "Spread 'em."

8. Mailman. Because he always delivers his package.

9. Pilot. Because he takes off fast and then slows down.

10. Hunter. Because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.

[Kat_Mac]

Men Are Like . . .

Men are like newborn babies.
They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.

Men are like coffee.
The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

Men are like computers.
Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

Men are like coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like power tools.
They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.

Men are like remote controls.
Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like shag carpets.
Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.

Men are like vacuum cleaners.
They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

Men are like road kill.
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.

Men are like soap operas.
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

Men are like pillows.
Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.

Men are like old car tires.
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.

Men are like plastic wrap.
Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.

Men are like department stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom

[Kat_Mac]

Insider's Guide to Common Male Vocabulary

Haven't I seen you before? = Nice ass.

I'm a Romantic. = I'm poor.

I need you. = My hand is tired.

I am different from all the other guys. = I am not circumcised.

I want a commitment. = I'm sick of masturbation.

You're the only girl I've ever cared about. = You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me.

I really want to get to know you better. = So I can tell my friends about it.

It's just orange juice, try it. = Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.

She's kinda cute. = I want to have sex with her till I am blue.

I don't know if I like her. = She won't sleep with me.

I miss you so much. = I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good.

Was it good for you? = I'm insecure about my manhood.

How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? = Is my penis really that small?

I had a wonderful time last night. = Who the hell are you?

Do you love me? = I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Do you "really" love me? = I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later.

How much do you love me? = I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now.

I have something to tell you. = Get tested.

I'll give you a call. = I would rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

I've been thinking a lot. = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I think we should just be friends. = You're ugly.

I've learned a lot from you. = Next!

[Kat_Mac]

Translated Male Vocabulary - Part II

"Can I help with dinner?"
Translation: Why isn't it already on the table?

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Translation: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Translation: I have no idea how it works.

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Translation: The batteries in the remote are dead.

"We're going to be late."
Translation: Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.

"Take a break, honey. You're working too hard."
Translation: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

'That's interesting, dear."
Translation: Are you still talking?

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Translation: I forgot our anniversary again.

"You expect too much from me."
Translation: You want me to stay awake?

"That's women's work."
Translation: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.

"You know how bad my memory is."
Translation: I remember the theme song to "Rocky V," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself; it's no big deal."
Translation: I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.

[Kat_Mac]

Translated Male Vocabulary - Part III

"I do help around the house."
Translation: I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Translation: I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.

"I can't find it."
Translation: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.

"What did I do this time?"
Translation: What did you catch me doing?


"I heard you."
Translation: I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.

"You look terrific."
Translation: Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.

"I missed you."
Translation: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we are out of toilet paper.

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Translation: I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.

"We share the housework."
Translation: I make the messes, you clean them up.

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Translation: You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck.

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Translation: I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help.

[burns]

:lol: I was needing a good laugh, thanks.

[Kat_Mac]

Tsk tsk:

47. Be honest, but prudent with your honesty, i.e. "No, honey, those jeans don't make you look fat"

You learn quickly, padawan.

[Chris]

i meant more examples like dk's.....lol

[burns]

Men Rule because...

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from
getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your
new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work ... more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency
crotch adjustments
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're
talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
18. Your pals can be trusted never to ask you, "So,
notice anything different?"
19. One mood, ALL the damn time.
20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
21. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
22. You can open all your own jars.
23. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
24. You can go to a public toilet without a support
group.
25. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
26. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
27. If someone forgets to invite you to something, you
can still be friends.
28. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
29. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
30. Everything on your face stays its original color.
31. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger's seat.
32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
33. You don't have to clean your apartment if the
meter reader is coming.
34. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for
hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
35. No maxi-pads.
36. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
37. You can drop by to see a friend without having to
bring a little gift.
38. If another guy shows up at the party in the same
outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
39. You are not expected to know the names of more
than five colors.
40. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
turn a nut on a bolt.
41. You almost never have strap problems in public.
42. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
43. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
44. You don't have to shave below your neck.
45. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
46. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all
seasons.
47. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
48. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache
49. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25
relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
50. The world is your urinal.

[Kat_Mac]

More Things You Will Never Hear a Man Say

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool mother-f***er.
2. No I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
4. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
5. We haven't been to the mall for ages; let's go shopping.
6. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
7. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?
8. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.
9. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
10. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
11. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her.
12. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
13. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them anymore.
14. I understand.
15. This movie has too much nudity.
16. Damn, we're late for church!
17. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
18. Put some panties on dammit!

[Kat_Mac]

If men are so competent, how come you always see signs reading: "DANGER - MEN WORKING" ?

[Kat_Mac]

One more and I'm done:

If Men TRULY Ran the World

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a, "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words: "Ally McNaked."

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-ass answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off."

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

4. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

19. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

21. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

23. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

24. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

[DK]

:lol: I was needing a good laugh, thanks.

Burns , do not give way to your manhood as you have in the past......

I thought this was your avatar......

[DK]

Should you follow the path or find humor in what was written by

"The Man Hater"

You will most likely wind up like this........

[DK]

More examples of man law to follow......

Got to run............................................... ...............................................

[Kat_Mac]

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

[Kat_Mac]

T-Shirt Sayings for Women Who Take No Crap

I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.

Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and tick you off at the same time.

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

Don't tick me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!

Guys have feelings too. But like ... who cares?

I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: six minutes.

I hate everybody and you're next.

Please don't make me kill you.

And your point is ... ?

I used to be a schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

[DK]

One of the many reasons you don't see........

Caution "Women at work signs" ........


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDfggrz5uF4

[DK]

These women work.........

They happen to work at Hooters..........

A lot of round parts in all the right places .........

Chris, another example of what I am talking about........

[DK]

A sport for women .........

But not all women ........




:chin: :chin: :chin: :chin: :chin: :chin: :chin: :chin: :chin: :chin:

http://www.filecabi.net/video/wrestle-thong.html

[DK]

More woman that work ........

[DK]

Chris the man law unit of measurement ........

[DK]

More examples of man law......

All of these applicants will qualify ......

Chris look carefully now so you get a complete understanding of what I am talking about .....

[DK]

There is always the tried and true bumper sticker you can use also......

Used in all 50 states with great success and even in other countty's that don't have waffle house franchises......

Slap it on with pride, be a Man......

[DK]

Don't be a Gimp !!!!!!!

[DK]

Now is it sexist if we can not do the same in public even if we ask just like she did ?

It's a man's world, but a women's courtroom ........

This one's perfect , have a peak .......

:wtg:

http://www.filecabi.net/video/tyratouch.html

[DK]

Now where would we be without the woman in our lives.......

[Chris]

i think i'm starting to get it now....i don't think i'll ever tire of the examples....

except the wine bottle just about made me lose my lunch....

[DK]

Trustworthiness
From Real Man Laws

if one man can not trust another man he has no trustworthiness
though shalt not tell another mans wife/woman anything he does not wish to tell her himself
if you have abided by these rules u have much trustworthiness if not u should be in no contact with
any malt beverage for as long as u shall live

Thou shalt NOT tell any wife/woman anything he told you in confidence. Bro's before Ho's.



Sympathy
From Real Man Laws

A real man is not sympathetic to bullshit from whiny girls!
A man will be required to show sympathy for his friend if required, But the only show of sympathy will be up to three (3) free beers. Also you may agree that the cause of strife is a whore/slut/bitch, but only if he says so first.



Altruism
From Real Man Laws

A real man can put others before himself...he is THAT secure!




Forgiveness
From Real Man Laws

A man can only forgive his wife, and his best friend. All others who have wronged you, in the eyes of a man, will suffer the wrath of an unnescessary violent revenge.




Autonomy
From Real Man Laws

Being Autonomous means independence, not needing others for your existance, a truly manly trait. It does not mean you understand all fields of automobile design and repair, though that's truly manly as well of course.




Dependability
From Real Man Laws

Thou shall always follow up on his word like his life is at stake.




Sensitivity (human)
From Real Man Laws

Crying is not allowed..except on the occasion that your team makes it to the superbowl and loses
Crying is also allowed when Wallace's sword is thrown onto the battlefield at the end of Braveheart, or any such situation involving a real man dying with honor, for a principle, or performing a selfless act to save others. Also any dog dying to save it's master warrants tears.

[DK]

Inventiveness
Real Man Laws

You shall watch at least 8 episodes MacGyver and replicate the stunts you see in order to save your own life some day in the future



Restraint
From Real Man Laws
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Real men should occasionally exercise restraints in the bedroom. Headboards and handcuffs are useful accessories.



Honesty
From Real Man Laws

thou shall not lie about how much beer is left or how much you have drank.

Wisdom
From Real Man Laws

All men should eat poop at least 5 times a day.

Who ever wrote this about the wisdom of men should have his balls cut of and be called a women. - men are limitless in their wisdom.



Tact
From Real Man Laws

Man possess no capability to be tactful, even under a womans thumb. A man will always speak his mind, uncaring of who hears it, and will even say it to the person who it talks about's face. Which is why the Zealous Men-Hating Feminists will never win any argument against a man, because men will insult them to the point at which they break and begin crying uncontrollably.

"Regret is for Homos".

[DK]

Read Them all here at :


http://realmanlaws.com/index.php?title=Main_Page