Dumb Jokes

[rchecks]

Jose and Carlos are beggars. They beg in different areas of town.

Carlos begs for the same amount of time as Jose, but only collects about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.

Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlo's sign reads; "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." "What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.

"No wonder you only get $8.00 or $9.00 a day!" Jose says,

"Alright, what does your sign say?"

It reads, "I only need another ten dollars to get back to Mexico."

[MrDude_1]

i dont know why, but this made me laugh so hard it hurt.....
http://www.fastgm.com/travis/DiamondMetal.jpg

[Turbo storm]

Nice play on words. Something tells me the original poster is completely lost in thier own lil world.

[MrDude_1]

i have an email address i give out when i need one, but know its probably going to be sold for spam.... i occasionally check it to clear it out.

well, i couldnt help but laugh at some of them.. but this one made me laugh out loud:
Power up your pork rocket


:lol:

[rchecks]

HAPPY WOMAN


A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her
bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and
asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter
with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what
you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that
not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 55-year old ass?'
'Your name never came up,' she replied

[unfast1]

A large group of Taliban fighters is moving down a ravine in the Korengal Valley, in southern Afghanistan, (http://www.defensetech.org/archives/004740.html) when they hear a hoarse voice call from behind a sand-dune in a mocking tone, "Yo, muj, did you know that one Marine is better than ten of you smelly Talib?"

Insulted to the quick (though he did indeed smell), the Taliban commander sent ten of his best men over the rocky hill, whereupon a gunbattle broke out immediately. The gunbattle was short, but vicious, punctuated by screams of agony and fear in Dari and Pushtu. Then there was silence.


A moment later, there was a snicker, then the same voice called out, "Bad Muj! Didn't you know one grunt is better than any hundred so-called Taliban fighters?"

Furious now, the Taliban commander sent his next best hundred men up and over the incline and instantly a terrible gunfight ensued. The sharp chatter of M-4 fire barked out in counterpoint to the dull clatter of the Kalashnikovs, interspersed with the detonations of grenades and screams of agony and fear in Pushtu and Dari. After a full five minutes of battle, silence reigned heavily across the valley.

A moment later that same mocking voice called out, though to be fair to the muj, the grunt was obviously breathing at least a little bit faster. The voice called out, "Bad Muj, silly muj, you have to know that one grunt is better than one thousand sheep-loving Taliban!"

Thoroughly enraged now, the Taliban commander mustered a full thousand of his fighters and sent them into the fight. RPGs hissed and boomed, hand grenades (http://www.defensetech.org/archives/004690.html) exploded, echoing down the Korengal Valley and even PKM fire rattled and roared over all the small arms fire. At last, one badly wounded muj fighter (http://javascript%3cb%3e%3c/b%3E:void%280%29) appeared, crawling down the military crest of the ridge.



"Don't send any more men," he gasped as the life fled his body, "It's a trap. There's two of them."

[thehammer69]

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b375/cadams7407/Misc/1232603470258.jpg

[Turbo storm]

That looks like Valle'...

[MrDude_1]

A contestant, Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.

If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover.

It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.
All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.

She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was . . . well, a blonde.
But she had no alternative.
She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.


The blonde responded unhesitatingly: 'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.'

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her.

And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do.
But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, 'C: The cuckoo.'

'Is that your final answer?'

'Yes, that is my final answer.'

'That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!'

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

'Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ' said the contestant. 'How did you happen to know the right answer?'


'Oh, come on,' said the blonde, 'everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.'


Sally fainted.

[rchecks]

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her
skirt was too tight to allow her foot to come up to the height of the first
step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little,thinking that this would give her
enough slack to raise her leg and foot.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip
her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little
smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and
again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good Samaritan and yelled,"How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with
you,but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was
friends."

[Mike]

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS????

A drunk man who smelled like beer
sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat
pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man
turned to the priest and asked,
'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's
caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response,
'Well, I'll be damned !'
Then returned to his paper.

The priest,
thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

[MrDude_1]

How come none of the Kennedy's ever became a boxer?
.
.
.
.
.
None of them could take a decent shot to the head!

[MrDude_1]

Men Stories

1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone.
I said "Morning!"
He said "No just taking a shit".

2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.

3. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child.
She was shouting out "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!"
She looked at me and said, "You did this to me you bastard!"
I casually replied, "If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your butt but you said, "It'll be too painful."

4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.
She told me that I had to quit masturbating.
I asked why and she told me, "Because I am trying to examine you."

5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Arindam, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Arindam, won't it start?"

6. My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said "Make love to me like in the movies".
So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.

[MrDude_1]

MURPHY'S LAW:
If anything can go wrong, it will.

Murphy's Corollary:
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Corollary:
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Murphy's Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Quantified Revision of Murphy's Law:
Everything goes wrong all at once.

O'Toole's Commentary:
Murphy was an optimist.

Ralph's Observation:
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage

Firestone's Law of Forecasting:
Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Manly's Maxim:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Moer's truism:
The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's resemblance to being one of a sled dog team. No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.

Mariam's Law:
Cut to suit
Beat to fit
Paint to match

Cannon's Comment:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Scott's Second Law:
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.

Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle's Second Law:
No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to:
(a) misinterpret it.
(b) fake it.
or
(c) believe it supports his own pet theory.

Finagle's Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Rudin's Law:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.

Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't quit.

Ehrman's Commentary
Things will get worse before they will get better. Who said things would get better?

Commoner's Second Law of Ecology:
Nothing ever goes away.

Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.

Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.

Klipstein's Law:
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.

Interchangeable parts won't.

You never find a lost article until you replace it.

Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness:
The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.

Lewis' Law:
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

If nobody uses it, there's a reason.

You get the most of what you need the least.

The Airplane Law:
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Etorre's Observation:
The other line moves faster.

First Law of Revision:
Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete.
(Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)

Second Law of Revision:
The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.

Corollary to the First Law of Revision:
In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
I. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
II. Any given program costs more and takes longer.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
III. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
IV. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
V. Any program will expand to fill available memory.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
VI. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
VII. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
VIII. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
IX. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

LAWS OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING:
X. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.

Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

Law of the Perversity of Nature:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity:
The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.

Wyszkowski's Second Law:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Sattinger's Law
It works better if you plug it in.

Lowery's Law:
If it jams - force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Schmidt's Law:
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.

Anthony's Law of Force
Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.

Cahn's Axiom:
When all else fails, read the instructions.

Gordon's First Law:
If a project is not worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.

Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Maier's Law:
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Peer's Law:
The solution to the problem changes the problem.

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. - Bokonon

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

You can lead a man to slaughter, but you can't make him think.

Don't get mad, get even.

Carson's Law:
It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

The Golden Rule:
He who has the gold, makes the rules.

Mark's mark:
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Korman's conclusion:
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.

Knight's Law:
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.

Maugham's Thought:
Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.

Benchley's Law of Distinction:
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

Harver's Law:
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

Schmidt's Observation:
All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.

Gibb's Law:
Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

Rule of Accuracy:
When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.

Wyszowski's Law:
No experiment is reproducible.

Fett's Law:
Never replicate a successful experiment.

Brooke's Law:
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

The first Myth of Management:
It exists.

Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.

Peter's Placebo:
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
People are always available for work in the past tense.

Wiker's Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Clarke's First Law:
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Segal's Law:
A man with a watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.

Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.

Weinberg's Second Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

Hartley's Second Law:
Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.

Beckhap's Law:
Beauty times brains equals a constant.

Katz's Law:
Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Vique's Law:
A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

Churchill's commentary on man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

The ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.

The Unspeakable Law:
As soon as you mention something; if it is good, it goes away; if it is bad, it happens.

[MrDude_1]

The Whispered Rule:
People will believe anything if you whisper it.

The First Law of Wing Walking:
Never let go of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Farnsdick's corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.

Law of Revelation:
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

Langsam's Law:
Everything depends.

Hellrung's Law:
If you wait, it will go away.

Shevelson's Extension:
... having done its damage.

Grelb's Addition:
... if it was bad, it will be back.

Grossman's Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

First Postulate of Isomurphism:
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.

The Unapplicable Law:
Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

Witten's Law:
Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.

Perkin's postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Harrison's Postulate:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Conway's Law:
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on.
This person must be fired.

Stewart's Law of Retroaction:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

MacDonald's Second Law:
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.

First Law of Laboratory Work:
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

The Sausage Principle:
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

Horngren's Observation: (generalized)
The real world is a special case.

Merkin's Maxim:
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.

Hawkin's Theory of Progress:
Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Matz's warning:
Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Lewis' Law:
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Law of Reruns:
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.

Shirley's Law:
Most people deserve each other.

Forgive and remember.

Woltman's Law:
Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Gallois' Revelation:
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.

Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom:
Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.

Allen's Law:
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Allen's Axiom:
When all else fails, follow instructions.

Allen's Distinction:
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Avery's Observation:
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

Berra's Law:
You can observe a lot just by watching.

Bicycle Law:
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.
A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.
A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.

Cohen's Law:
What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts, not the facts themselves.

Colson's Law:
When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

Comin's Law:
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:
If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damned near zero.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Goldwyn's Law of Contracts.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Jone's Principle:
Needs are a function of what other people have.

Langin's Law:
If things were left to chance, they'd be better.

In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you save.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.

Mencken's Metalaw:
For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.

Sevareid's Law:
The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.

Peer's Law:
The solution to the problem changes the problem.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Lyall's Conjecture:
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

Lyall's Fundamental Observation:
The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.

Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules:
Everything costs more and takes longer.

Klipstein's Lament:
All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.

Klipstein's Observation:
Any product cut to length will be too short.

Sueker's Note:
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.

Rosenfield's Regret:
The most delicate component will be dropped.

de la Lastra's Law:
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.

de la Lastra's Corollary:
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.

Design flaws travel in groups.

You can't fight the law of conservation of energy but you sure can bargain with it.

Gerrold's Fundamental Truth:
It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.

Gerrold's Law:
A little ignorance can go a long way.

Lyall's Addendum:
... in the direction of maximum harm.

Gerrold's Pronouncement:
The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.

When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their prerogative.
H. L. Mencken

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
H. L. Mencken

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.
H. L. Menchen

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
H.L. Menchen

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. Menchen

Arcana Coelestica:
Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that obtained by Christ.
Puritanism - The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
H. L. Menchen

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
H. L. Menchen

The Arithmetic of Cooperation:
When you're adding up committees
there's a useful rule of thumb:
that talents make a difference,
and follies make a sum.
Piet Hein

The Ultimate Wisdom
Philosophers must ultimately find their true perfection in knowing all the follies of mankind by introspection.
Piet Hein

Murphy's Military Laws:
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

Murphy's Military Laws:
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

Murphy's Military Laws:
3. Friendly fire ain't.

Murphy's Military Laws:
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Murphy's Military Laws:
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

Murphy's Military Laws:
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

Murphy's Military Laws:
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

Murphy's Military Laws:
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.

Murphy's Military Laws:
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

Murphy's Military Laws:
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Murphy's Military Laws:
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

Murphy's Miltary Laws:
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

Murphy's Military Laws:
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Murphy's Military Laws:
14. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

Murphy's Military Laws:
15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

Murphy's Military Laws:
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Conrad's Conundrum:
Technologie don't transfer.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
Herbert Hoover

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.